Gordie In Wonderland
by Snivellus98
Summary: After a mediocre 14th birthday party, Gordie walks home, but when he foolishly follows a talking bunny down its hole, Gordie is mistaken for a 7-year old girl named Alice, due to his feminine form. When he does return, it is not clear if he is still in Wonderland, dreaming, or that really was nonalcoholic beer from Teddy. Please forgive my lack of summary skills.


**My first fanfiction everyone please bare with me. I originally wrote this as a Harry Potter fic (which maybe be obvious at some parts) but I decided this fandom needed something different! Love it, like it, hate it, Comment! :D**

Gordie Lachance's 14th birthday party had not been wonderful. It was held at Teddy's house, since Chris and Gordie's parents were out of the question and Vern's mother had diarrhea Teddy had brought a keg, only to discover that the go to man for underage drinking, Mr. Buttox, had accidentally on purpose given him nonalcoholic beer. But Teddy didn't tell the boys until after all of the beer-like liquid had been consumed. So when Vern exclaimed,

"I'm so buzzed guys! I'm on top of the world! I'm gonna go do the helicopter dick on Ginny Finnagin's roof!"

Teddy explained to Vern that he was suffering from a classic case of the placebo effect, and he doubted Ginny Finnegan would be impressed by his miniscule genitals anyway. Vern went home. A few moments later Gordie suggested that they all play a game of Yahtzee. During the game, one of Chris's girlfriends, Mary Sue, called, so he had a half hour conversation about how it was okay that her parents hated her and Ace kept trying to rape her and how gorgeous she was with her blonde hair and blue eyes and perfect figure and how they would absolutely be together forever except of course in the one in a million chance he died before they could get married.

"I mean- there will be a black president before I die young, by means of stabbing, or heck- even a drug overdose! Ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha." Chris laughed.

"I swear Chambers becomes more of a faggot each Mary Sue," said Teddy.

"Yeah" Gordie sighed.

"Ooo! Five 5's! That'll be your Winstons Gordon!" exclaimed Teddy, holding out his hand, which was a grubby little thing.

"Ah no man I think I'll go home" said Gordie.

"Ah come on man! What's more fun than Yahtzee? Chris says after this we'll play strip poker!" said a wide-eyed Teddy.

"Strip poker? Ha, remember when Mary Sue played with us?" giggled Gordie.

"How could I forget? Thank God Chris got a girl who thinks poker is the same thing as Go Fish" said Teddy.

"Yeah, seriously though bye".

The young Gordon set off to his house. At night. Castle Rock got dark at 5:00 PM this time of year. Carefully maneuvering his little body away from threatening shadows, Gordie reached the quaint little woods that was a short cut to his house. Trying not to awaken any lurking werewolves, Gordie walked as slowly as possible, taking ten seconds to lift his leg, and another ten to drop it back down again. Bane and Sirius, the local werewolves, shook their heads at the rather feminine creature making its way through the forest. They were up in the trees, wresting their heads on their paws for their nightly stargazing.

"What a pity, more homo sapiens are making their way into the wood" said Bane with a yawn.

"Ah yes, what exactly is that little girl doing? Avoiding mouse traps? Hur hur" said Sirius.

"Hur hur" said Bane.

Gordie, feeling a alright at this point, grew more confident and started strutting through the woods like a badass motherfucker. Or so he thought.

"Oh dear" murmured Sirius.

Gordie could have sworn he saw a little bunny rabbit in a suit run by.

"How very curious" he thought, and followed the rabbit.

"Ah, hello! Mr. Rabbit! Wait!" he called, breaking into his awkward little run.

"I can't, no time you see I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!" cried the rabbit, holding out his golden watch.

"Now what could a rabbit possibly be late for?" wondered Gordie.

"Wait!" he cried. "I can't! I'd love to stay but I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!" cried the rabbit, and he disappeared down his rabbit hole.

Nonalcoholic beer, eh? Gordie got down on his knees and peered into the rabbit hole, only to fall down farther… farther…farther…

And farther...

And farther...

And farther...


End file.
